Sorry sweetheart,

but chances are that he'd cheat on you again and again. But rather than sit down all day and judge that sexy ass sister who your boyfriend can't just get enough of, I think you should focus on the real problem. What if the real problem is not him or her or them? What if the real problem is you? You see, having relationship problems is like having malaria. Unless you get rid of the mosquitoes which are the actual cause of the illness, taking medicine will only cure for a while.

He'd prefer the side chick if:

1. You are the oh so flawless miss goody-two-shoes.

Let's call a spade a spade. It is boring. Stop it. Quit hiding the ugly behavior just because you want that dude to wife you. Seriously, girl, stop it. You are human. Embrace your flawed nature. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You never get mad at him. Sometimes you do feel like screaming and walking the hell out but no, you don't. You are an 'O yes' type of girl. You never disagree. The perfect wife material. You wash, cook, scrub, mop, iron, fetch, flush and grate. In fact, you turn yourself into a voluntary maid for him. Well, naturally, every man would want your type of girl anyway. Don't get it twisted. He will sure love you and probably put a ring on your finger but in the long run, he's still gonna crave that gangster chic with whom he wasn't ashamed to feel and be the REALEST he could be. And yes, he'd cheat on you.

2. You are monotonous.

They say variety is the spice of life. The problem with most people is that they tend to be white or black, ignoring a whole lot of other shades that abound. Don't be predictable. A monotonous life makes one so. When Zara Grett was asked to describe herself, she said and I quote:

I'm like a bowel of salad rather than a pot of stew cos in a pot of stew, you don't get to see all the ingredients but with salad, there's expression for each component.

If you do not think and act like Zara then girl, the side chick would make your man salivate. Come to think of it. Even the food we eat require DIFFERENT ingredients to make it tasty and most importantly, balanced. Be like a balanced diet, with all the necessary attitudes in the right proportion. Nullify monotony.

3. You are too serious.

I know that life can be hard on us but hey, it won't hurt to throw in a lit bit of carefree-ness and laughter once in a while. You don't have to frown and complain all the time. Don't be a grumpy cat. Is your man having money issues? Rather than listen to you bore him with stuff you read from that big ass book; you know, being all serious and shit, talking about hope that lies at the end of the tunnel and all the sermons that come with it, he'd roll with that side chick who would get high with him. She's an un-serious bitch who'd prolly take your man to club and work work work work work. They'd both be young, wild and free. They'd drink and get ugly and prolly cap it with a forget-your-worries type of sex. Ouch.

4. You are a virgin.

Shocked? Yeah, you read me correctly. Most men will agree with me that dating a virgin can be pretty tiring and frustrating. Virgins make one hunger and thirst. They make a brother starve. I'm writing especially about the first class virgins. Those whose hymen AND thoughts are still pure and intact. They come into one's life with many manuals, the biggest being the Bible. To cope with them, one must 'study to show oneself approved'. Very frustrating.

Paint it all you want, but the reality is that in a relationship where one party denies the other any form of sexuality, the denied often cheats (with the side chick of course). This doesn't mean that virgins aren't loved by their boyfriends. No. They are loved. They are adored. Purity has a way of appealing to our soft sides. But a lover has needs that not just purity and love can fully provide. Sometimes the lover needs to make love to the loved. The feeling is mind and body blowing. It is ace! I'm sorry, but I do not know how to paint words with different shades of morality. I'm a realist.

5. You are too clingy.

Eish. Some girlfriends can be like phone networks: "everywhere you go." They stay glued to their men like a stubborn stain. Really, it can be annoying. If you are the type that doesn't give him breathing space, I fear for you. Personally, I think the ‘clingy-clingy’ syndrome is born out of low self esteem. When one is empty, one feels there is little or nothing to offer thus nurses the fear of losing a lover due to that. When your love drum is empty, you see the lover as a miracle and so you milk him dry of attention, love, care, and what not. Stop it. He's not an emotion ATM. Give as much as you get and even more. Love is vast. Have your own unique brand. Don't always suck up to him. Be emotionally independent.

msgivings